The fundamental pressures of war, especially from the rank structures of the military, are ever present at the front of my mind, in the most menial of tasks.  My soul is troubled even as I shave, for example, for I am thinking of how unnecessary it is that I shave.  I know that the practical purpose of shaving is so that protective masks are able to attain the most perfect and safe seal to my face that is possible.  But, since I'm outside of deployment and gas training, here in garrison, stateside, this cannot be the reason for it.  And so, I realize that the reason for the impractical requirement of shaving is obviously to solidify uniformity and military tradition.  And so, shaving itself is no trouble, but rather the reinforcement it is that, here, I must submit to the uniformity and military tradition of war and its blind, fatal aggression.  My morale is obviously depleted, as my every contribution here is an empowerment to war, which is damaging to my inner-peace.  Because I am a christian, I possess an incredible redemptive Spirit that allows me to enjoy all the time spent with my co-workers, in the sense that I am sharing the simple experience of life.  They tell me I am of high spirits, which is certainly true, because of Christ's work of Grace.  And it is because of those very high spirits that I am so deeply affected by the moral failings of war.  Those moral failings of war are reinforced, every moment, by the inescapable setting and reality of my employment here, in a military, and something inside me continuously dies, and even crucifies Christ all over again.  I am as Peter, who is overcome with joy to see his Lord risen, only I am continuously sending Him right back to the cross with everyday I remain in this empowerment of war.

And so, once out of the military and the war, I plan to assist the Quaker House and GI Rights Hotline, as they have assisted me in my process of applying for conscientious objection.  I plan to continue giving, generously, to the Quaker House, the Anti-War Committee, and similar organizations.  I plan to stay out of militaries and wars, and continue to seriously question any means of violence, fatal or not, so that I may make no effort which does not protect the embrace of the Gospel of God's Grace.  I intend to either move to a country like Costa Rica (which abolished its military) or else utilize this nation's democratic system to work towards reducing and abolishing our militaries and war efforts.