One Immortal To Another

Kuwait

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 06:45:11 GMT

I'm finally here in Kuwait! It's pretty relaxed here, and I don't have much to do for the few days while I wait for the rest of my unit to arrive. The dining facility here is actually better than those at Fort Stewart... On the plane ride here, we stopped in Ireland for a few hours. It was nice to hear a bit of the accents. It would be nicer to have a prolonged stay there, at some point. I probably won't post again for a few weeks, when I get into Iraq.

God Bless the Reader,
Jake

Quotes from John Dewey and Anne Sullivan

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:25:13 GMT

On this day, in 1859, was born John Dewey, United States American philosopher...

"Man is not logical and his intellectual history is a record of mental reserves and compromises. He hangs on to what he can in his old beliefs even when he is compelled to surrender their logical basis."

"Education is a social process; education is growth; eduction is not a preparation for life but is life itself."

"Conflict is the gadfly of thought. It stirs us to observation and memory. It instigates to invention. It shocks us out of sheeplike passivity, and sets us at noting and contriving."

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On this day, in 1936, died Anne Sullivan, United States American teacher and companion of Hellen Keller...

"Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose- not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember."

"Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instruction."

"My heart is singing for joy this morning! A miracle has happened! The light of understanding has shone upon my little pupil's mind, and behold, all things are changed!"

Random Quotes from Blaise Pascal, Nelson Mandela, Geronimo

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:34:49 GMT

“Truth is so obscure in these times, and falsehood so established, that, unless we love the truth, we cannot know it.”

“The knowledge of God without that of man's misery causes pride. The knowledge of man's misery without that of God causes despair. The knowledge of Jesus Christ constitutes the middle course, because in Him we find both God and our misery.”

“The supreme function of reason is to show man that some things are beyond reason”

-Blaise Pascal

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“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.”

"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

-Nelson Mandela

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“I was no chief and never had been, but because I had been more deeply wronged than others, this honor was conferred upon me, and I resolved to prove worthy of the trust.”

-Geronimo

Random Quotes by Robin Williams and Tony Campolo

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:34:14 GMT

"God gave me both a penis and brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."

"Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money."

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."

-Robin Williams

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"I've always been skeptical of those television healers who are bald. I mean, if I had that gift, that would be the first thing I'd fix."

"A person is as young as their dreams and as old as their cynicism."

"I have three things to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don't give a shit. What's worse is that you're more upset with the fact that I said "shit" than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night."

-Tony Campolo

Getting Ready to Move to the Middle-East

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:43:54 GMT

Well. it looks like my flight to Kuwait will be next week. There my unit will acclimatize, undergo some routine training, and prepare for the drive northward through most of Iraq, to our assigned base. Mine is a medical company, so, hopefully, we won't have much work to do... but we probably will, especially towards the end of the 12-month deployment. One of our big responsibilities will be to pack the base up and close her down as we leave. I'm very excited about that!

I finally turned in my packet for non-combatant status on Thursday. So, I will not be leaving this country with a weapon to my name, save for one utility knife and one rescue tool. I bought the full version of Rosetta Stone Arabic, but my CD drive has a CD stuck in it, so I am going to try to buy an external DVD-writer to do the trick.

It will be interesting to see what music I crave in the desert, so I'll be resetting my iTunes playlist. Therefore, here's my 25 Most Played Songs since I don't know how long ago...

1st at a play count of 47 is... Don't Be Afraid performed by the Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra, composed by Nobuo Uematsu, from the album 20020220: Music from Final Fantasy

Tied for 2nd at a play count of 40 are... Virgin and Child by Iona, from the album Book of Kells
and... The Kiss by Trevor Jones, from The Last of the Mohicans Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

4th at a play count of 39 is... Terra's Theme performed by the Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra, composed by Nobuo Uematsu, from the album 20020220: Music from Final Fantasy

Tied for 5th at a play count of 38 are... Inside My Heart by Iona, from the album Journey Into the Morn
and... Yahweh by U2, from the album How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

Tied for 7th at a play count of 36 are... Irish Day by Iona, from the album Journey Into the Morn
and... Elk Hunt by Trevor Jones, from The Last of the Mohicans Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
and... The Glade Part II by Trevor Jones, from The Last of the Mohicans Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

Tied for 10th at a play count of 35 are... The River by Anathallo, from the album Canopy Glow
and... Main Title by Trevor Jones, from The Last of the Mohicans Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

12th place at a play count of 34 is... Calling Out Your Name by Rich Mullins, from the album The World As Best As I Can Remember It, Vol. 1

13th place at a play count of 33 is... All the First Pages by Anathallo, from the album Canopy Glow

14th place at a play count of 32 is... Crumbs from Your Table by U2, from the album How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

Tied for 15th at a play count of 31 are... Luke - The Calf by Iona, from the album Book of Kells
and... Aeris' Theme performed by the Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra, composed by Nobuo Uematsu, from the album 20020220: Music from Final Fantasy

17th place at a play count of 30 is... Cora by Randy Edelman, from The Last of the Mohicans Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

18th place at a play count of 29 is... Fort Battle by Trevor Jones, from The Last of the Mohicans Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

19th place at a play count of 27 is... Heaven's Bright Sun by Iona, from the album Journey Into the Morn

20th place at a play count of 26 is... CIty of Blinding Lights by U2, from the album How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

Tied for 21st place at a play count of 25 are... Waiting by Rich Mullins, from the album The World As Best As I Can Remember It, Vol. 2
and... Promontory by Trevor Jones, from The Last of the Mohicans Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

Tied for 23rd place at a play count of 24 are... Wisdom by Iona, from the album Journey Into the Morn
and... Munro's Office/ Stockade by Trevor Jones, from The Last of the Mohicans Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
and... Theme of Love performed by the Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra, composed by Nobuo Uematsu, from the album 20020220: Music from Final Fantasy

Thanksgiving in Ignorance

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 23:06:23 GMT

I'm realizing more and more how very little I comprehend all there is to be grateful for. The very ability to say a mere "thank you," and to be able to comprehend the act, to some small extent, is itself a gift beyond mortal understanding.

Fantasy Serves Reality

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:41:38 GMT

I embrace fantasy so long as it serves reality. At the moment it betrays it, it itself is to be betrayed.

Biblical Commentaries

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:37:04 GMT

So, one of the things I want to do in Iraq is resume an in-depth study of Genesis. I got out of such a study about 2 years ago, I suppose. I was reading: The Genesis Record by Morris, and the Genesis volumes from the Interpretation (Brueggemann) and NIV Application (Walton) commentary series.

Morris seems to be in his own little world, scientifically and historically, taking constant, great liberties to support his view. He has been an important figure in creation science, and this work is certainly an element of that. For these reasons (and for sheer entertainment) I have been reading and will continue to read this volume.

Brueggamann's commentary belongs to an entire Bible commentary series, the whole of which was recommended by Al, the pastor I worked directly under. I have so far found this volume informed and insightful, and will continue to read it. Brueggamenn is a member of the United Church of Christ, and his views, thus far, seem rather comfortable with mainline, evangelical protestantism.

Walton's commentary also belongs to an entire Bible commentary series (which I believe is nearing the publication of its final volumes). This I've also found informed and insightful, and I will continue to read it as well. Walton is a professor at Wheaton's grad school, and seems to also sit fairly comfortably with mainline, evangelical protestantism.

So, needless to say, I need to branch out! I have my mind set on the Africa Bible Commentary, a sixteen-hundred page, single-volume concerning the whole Bible, by 70 african contributors. But I'm interested in more. Does anyone have any suggestions, either for entire Bible commentary series, or just for Genesis? I'm particularly interested in products of the Eastern Orthodox Church, Roman Catholicism, or otherwise non-mainline protestant culture. I'd also prefer non-white authors (I have no shortage of them). Any recommendations?

I'm Back, Again

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 06:11:03 GMT

I have returned once again, from a long LJ fast. I'm still in the army, and I changed my application for conscientious objector status. Now I'm simply applying for non-combative status, meaning that I would continue to do my medical job, but would no longer train, carry, or deal with weapons or munitions. I accept the occasional need for violence with a heavy heart, but I have virtually no faith in my country's military to govern the matter justly.

In about ten days I'm taking sixteen days of vacation. Shortly after that my unit will be deploying to Iraq for twelve months. Hopefully there will be no business in the field of emergency medicine, but I'm not so naive. Given such business, however, I'm really glad for the opportunity to put in my hands and mend what I might. I think of myself as an anti-war agent within the military. It's not a perfect position; conflict abounds. Yet it seems like the most prudent compromise at this point.

Blessings,
Jake

Low

Tue, 26 May 2009 02:44:49 GMT

Last night my doubt blossomed. Lately I've been divided, making progress in gratitude by day, and, silently, subtly, letting myself grow arrogant, by night. I have been counting everything around me as an obvious, kind gift, but tucking away my own ability to judge character as a personal claim. On the outside I've reflected all of God's glorious blessings back to Him, but on the inside, I have been hallowing out.

Last night my deeply held grievances with God's course of action and overall wisdom were fully loosed. For some time, I had been giving them some voice, but with a screen of false humility and mock submission. I hadn't realized how deep the well really was.

And, as I gave them full voice and was left in my own frigid company to ponder these things which had issued out of my mouth, I came to a horrid realization. I realized that even if God was evil, I would still follow Him, because no one can beat Him. It would not be noble to resist the Almighty, it would be insignificant, and nothing more. Ultimately, might is right. And my soul sank further at this thought, although hope had already been dashed. An irreconcilable resentment flashed against God, Who so oppresses.

But then I had the gentle, but crisp, thought that God cannot be evil. For morality itself is bound up in Him. He is the Creator, and He is not wrapped up in laws, but is free spirit. He is Life.

I started venting a bit more with a friend of mine, online, and said that I saw no reason to ever rely on faith. I was set on having God present to me as I would have Him. And I finally met with conviction for my foul arrogance, which the Lord cannot tolerate, yet deals with in remarkable patience. My thoughts went to Job, and the Lord's answer to his complaint. I had talked about Job earlier with Sarah, about a week ago, and then saw her post a long excerpt from it on one of Stephen's posts, a few days ago.

I read of the Book, and prayed feverishly for mercy. I recalled that I am but the dust of the earth before the Almighty Lord, who will not be made to answer to hypocritical, spoiled children. For so long I had utterly forgotten the beginning of wisdom, the fear of the Lord. I had lost myself in how perfect love drives out all fear, even though I am not a perfect lover, but self-centered to the extreme.

I am a sinner, and I forgot that before our God Most Holy. I am mere creation, and I ignored that before the Eternal Creator. Never again will I doubt God's loving kindness.

Nothing,
Jake

Conscientious Objection Application, Pt. 6

Mon, 25 May 2009 19:09:57 GMT

An explanation as to how the applicant's daily lifestyle has changed as a result of his or her beliefs and what future actions he or she plans to continue to support his or her beliefs.

The fundamental pressures of war, especially from the rank structures of the military, are ever present at the front of my mind, in the most menial of tasks. My soul is troubled even as I shave, for example, for I am thinking of how unnecessary it is that I shave. I know that the practical purpose of shaving is so that protective masks are able to attain the most perfect and safe seal to my face that is possible. But, since I'm outside of deployment and gas training, here in garrison, stateside, this cannot be the reason for it. And so, I realize that the reason for the impractical requirement of shaving is obviously to solidify uniformity and military tradition. And so, shaving itself is no trouble, but rather the reinforcement it is that, here, I must submit to the uniformity and military tradition of war and its blind, fatal aggression. My morale is obviously depleted, as my every contribution here is an empowerment to war, which is damaging to my inner-peace. Because I am a christian, I possess an incredible redemptive Spirit that allows me to enjoy all the time spent with my co-workers, in the sense that I am sharing the simple experience of life. They tell me I am of high spirits, which is certainly true, because of Christ's work of Grace. And it is because of those very high spirits that I am so deeply affected by the moral failings of war. Those moral failings of war are reinforced, every moment, by the inescapable setting and reality of my employment here, in a military, and something inside me continuously dies, and even crucifies Christ all over again. I am as Peter, who is overcome with joy to see his Lord risen, only I am continuously sending Him right back to the cross with everyday I remain in this empowerment of war.

And so, once out of the military and the war, I plan to assist the Quaker House and GI Rights Hotline, as they have assisted me in my process of applying for conscientious objection. I plan to continue giving, generously, to the Quaker House, the Anti-War Committee, and similar organizations. I plan to stay out of militaries and wars, and continue to seriously question any means of violence, fatal or not, so that I may make no effort which does not protect the embrace of the Gospel of God's Grace. I intend to either move to a country like Costa Rica (which abolished its military) or else utilize this nation's democratic system to work towards reducing and abolishing our militaries and war efforts.

Conscientious Objection Application, Pt. 5

Sun, 24 May 2009 13:40:08 GMT

An explanation as to what in the person's life most conspicuously demonstrates the consistency and depth of his or her beliefs and have rise to his or her claim.

As stated earlier, in Question 3, I demonstrated my devotion to my beliefs when, while considering the truthfulness of christian nonviolence, rid myself of all violent media and violent media projects, began attendance at an Historic Peace Church, and sought relevant literature, the reading of which would demonstrate, in a tangible way, my intellectual labor for the cause. But more demonstrative of all these, I firmly believe, is the way my basic day has changed. That I spend virtually all of my free time on the matter, that I discuss it openly and exhaustively with my lifelong friends for untold hours, calling them so often that their strain from my demanding obsession is evident in their gracious voices, I believe is perhaps the surest proof of my genuineness. Or perhaps my sincerity is best demonstrated by the fact that I have given 40% of my paycheck to the Quaker House (which assists conscientious objectors) and the Anti-War Committee, since mid-March, since then I began to no longer be able to stand to accept money for a cause I don't believe in, save what I need to pay preexisting bills, to which I am legally bound (I have included receipts of my donations, as well as copies of my LESs to prove the amounts given are, in fact, 40% of my net pay).

Conscientious Objection Application, Pt. 4

Sat, 23 May 2009 16:29:04 GMT

An explanation as to the circumstances, if any, under which the person believes in the use of force, and to what extent, under any foreseeable circumstances.

I can only use force to protect peoples' opportunities to, and perceptions of, the experience of the Gospel of Christ. If a non-believer's life is being threatened, or if they are being tortured to the extreme, then that threat ought to be nullified, avoiding fatal resistance if at all possible. However, should I find myself in the company of fellow, strong believers, and our lives become threatened by an attacker, I would readily allow each of us to die before I risked taking my assailant's life, because he would be the only one present whose soul is in danger. If I encounter non-belivers killing other non-believers, I am faced with a most dire situation. If one is clearly in self-defense and the other is clearly the initiator of fatal aggression, then I would defend the victims. This is the lesser of two evils, fated by the would-be-killers who introduced and sealed such losses.

When children are the victims of mortal threat, or extreme torture, their perception of God's Grace, as demonstrated in the Gospel, is safely understood to be certainly manipulated and corrupted. I would not allow a child to be killed on account of his or her saving faith in Christ, so to save his or her aggressor, as I would an adult christian... the weight of mortal threat plunges a child into a sudden, traumatic state of adulthood where he or she must attain a new, matured acceptance of his or her values (including accepting Christ's Gospel). So, children may be defended by aggression, but, as always, I must suffer the greatest inefficiencies before that aggression is permitted to a fatal degree, regardless of what initial degree of aggression any military might command.

As I demonstrated in Question 2 of this section, killing another human-being is one of the most harmful acts there is toward souls. Only to directly save an unbeliever or a child from certain death or extreme torture can I kill. And so, these killings of compromise require religious investigations of involved individuals, restraint of potentially fatal aggression, and self- and friend-sacrifice of degrees not afforded by militaries or wars.

Conscientious Objection Application, Pt. 3

Fri, 22 May 2009 13:59:36 GMT

An explanation as to when these beliefs become incompatible with military service and why.

I cannot tolerate the battle command structure that is fundamental to any military; I am incompatible with military service, because I cannot simply trust a "superior's" judgement as to whether or not I ought to engage any other individual with potentially lethal acts of aggression. It is not any officer's conscience I must live with unto the rest of eternity, but my very own. Our military does insist that soldiers always resist immoral orders, however, I am utterly convinced that all orders to kill, even in self-defense, are possibly immoral, and must be adequately reviewed before approval, regardless of the delay this may cause. I am unwavering in my conviction that many enemy combatants of any war certainly cannot be righteously killed for their involvement, besides many of them being able to reach satisfactory pacification with employment of more patience, endurance, understanding, negotiation, and compromise. I think any order to kill, which does not allow every solider every opportunity to second-guess that order, investigate the matter, and pursue alternative methods, to the point of the soliders' personal satisfaction, is most certainly immoral, and thus unacceptable.

War, by nature, draw elements of officially opposing nations/ forces into combat. My soul cannot tolerate this, as it gives virtually no opportunity for warriors to confirm the worthwhileness of the battle. If I were part of an element that fell under attack by an enemy element, I would be in a situation where proper moral investigation of the need for killing is practically impossible. If I were to draw back from the combat, I would be persecuted with abandonment of my element. If I attempted to halt the heated firefight, I would probably die before I was understood (probably leaving no one else to act out of Grace), but would certainly be opposing the enactments of my element, and confusing my comrades, perhaps fatally. This demonstrate, for me, the intolerability of participating in wars.

I consider that, though I am a medic, I am required to wear ACUs, a uniform which necessarily symbolizes blind, fatal aggression (as it is a symbol of militancy). The very wearing of such a uniform inspires a fatally defensive instinct in all those who do not share my national citizenship. And militaries, of course, respond to a fatally defensive stance with a fatally aggressive stance, hence unnecessary killing. And thus, my concern for each person's receiving of Grace, in word and deed, and so my concern for each person's eternal welfare, is intolerably compromised, on a massive scale, besides my conscience being defiled, as long as I serve any military or war, in any form.

Conscientious Objection Application, Pt. 2

Wed, 20 May 2009 20:16:53 GMT

An explanation as to how his or her beliefs changed or developed, to include an explanation as to what factors (how, when, and from whom or from what source training received and belief acquired) caused the change in or development of conscientious objection beliefs.

I originally enlisted in the US Army Reserve, December 9, 2002, because of my christian desire to put others before myself, and so, further the cause of the Gospel of Christ. I was entranced by a romantic view of "our greatest generation," who stopped Nazi Germany's attempts at world domination and genocide, in World War II. However, I have been spiritually depressed as long as I have been in the military (the moment I signed my contract it was as if I felt God sighing in dismay). Something essential to my inner peace was missing, once I was in the military, but I could not identify it, and assumed I was simply carrying the necessary moral grief of all those who are willing to use violence to control violence. In basic training (and in all of my military experience since then) I was deeply troubled to realize that my moral standards were far higher than those expected of the military. This, of course, presented the moral unease of knowing that my commanding "superiors" may well not have in mind that for which I have dedicated my entire life and soul (the Gospel of Christ). Unknowingly, I found myself attached to a non-deployable unit, and thus unable to contribute myself to the sacrificial cause of deployment, save by volunteering to be on the individual deployment volunteer lists, which I did, as soon as I was made aware of them.

As my Active Reserve contract came near to its close, I decided I was not satisfied to get out of the army just yet, because I still had not yet been able to deploy, and so do my sacrificial part to make this generation the next "greatest generation." When I re-enlisted, I believed militaries and wars (or, at least ours) ultimately served the purpose of protecting souls for Christ's Gospel. I have since come to the absolute belief that they do not and cannot.

But, as I entered my second enlistment contract, I did not yet understand my increasingly taxing moral scruples with the military and wars I was trying to serve. My depression further deepened, but also began to sharpen, as I studied our nation's military history, especially our dealings with Native America. I was particularly affected by Howard Zinn's book, A People's History of the United States. I began to understand all wars to be essentially of the same nature. I began to understand the unnecessary tragedies that our own military contributed to World War II. I began to see that, faced with Nazi Germany, my christian insistence on the maximum preservation of God's Grace would not lead me to join a military, but rather to join many of the various individual efforts of Nazi resisters in Europe, some of which, however, were unnecessarily aggressive (but, as a civilian, free of the moral subordination which is military service, or officiation of war, I could've avoided them). I began to deny myself no opportunity to learn more about the unnecessary killings that militaries and wars have involved themselves in (I would soon realize that militaries and wars must involve themselves in such unnecessary killings, because militaries and wars are by nature blindly, fatally aggressive.)

In early February of this year, 2009, I was strongly impressed that, perhaps, a christian should not be willing to commit violence at all, for the sake of spreading of the Gospel. Living up to my faith with genuine sincerity, I entered the most intellectually exhaustive season of my life (which has yet to end), as I began to spend virtually all of my free time contemplating the Gospel of Christ, examining any logical or practical failings that might be revealed in christian pacifism, and discussing and debating with my most trusted and passionate friends (who would not only test all of my conclusions against reason, but also against the sincerity of my life, which they know intimately). I have been so absorbed in establishing the sureness of my beliefs, in reason and action, that, weekend after weekend, as my co-workers have inquired as to what my weekend plans were, I have mostly only been able to reply, "I've got to read and work on my application." After a month of intense investigation and personal searching, I told my supervisor that I was interested in applying for discharge from the army as a conscientious objector. Shortly afterwards, my supervisor and I discussed the nature of my beliefs, and that of the application for conscientious objection, with our Battalion Chaplain. We decided that it was best that I devote more time to establishing proof of my sincerity, before I officially apply.

In the two and one half months since then, I have focused on acting out my beliefs in tangible ways, including giving away all of my violent video games, video game systems, and violent movies. Further I halted work on a video game, that incorporated violence, which I had been designing for years, a project on which I had easily spent hundreds of hours. I continued attending a Quaker (the Quakers are an Historic Peace Church) meeting I had begun attending in February. I have now read over 1,400 pages of literature on nonviolence and Quaker spirituality (not including additional spiritual reading not directly related to nonviolence).

After this intense investigation of thought and practice, however, I concluded that the christian must sometimes use violence to protect the embrace of the Gospel of Christ, which would always be a situation that demanded unhindered investigation and discernment on part of the executioner (such that a military or a war cannot permit). These explorations of nonviolence did significantly contribute to the formation and crystallization of my belief that, for the sake of the Gospel of Christ, I cannot participate in any military, or any war, in any form. This sharpening and finalization of belief reached its utter point and rigidity on May 2nd, of this year, 2009.

Conscientious Objection Application, Pt. 1

Tue, 19 May 2009 17:25:33 GMT

I am applying for a discharge out of the United States Army. The application asks 6 questions, concerning the make-up of one's acquired beliefs. I will be posting them in portions.

First of all, army regulations define conscientious objection:

Members of the military who develop a "firm, fixed, and sincere objection to participation in war in any form or the bearing of arms,"1 based on moral, ethical, or religious beliefs, are entitled to discharge from the military or transfer to non-combatant status. A conscientious objector must meet three criteria:
you must object to participation in war in any form;
you must base your objection on "religious training and belief" (which can include moral or ethical training and belief) that "crystallized" after you entered the military; and
you must demonstrate that your position is "sincere and deeply held."

Here's the 1st of those 6 questions...

A description of the nature of the belief that requires the person to seek separation from the military service or assignment to noncombatant training and duty for reasons of conscience.

My soul belongs to Jesus Christ, and the proclamation of His Gospel, in word and deed. That Gospel, for which I invest my entire life, is one of God's unconditional Grace, for the souls of all people. To kill someone is to quite possibly rob him or her of the Gospel, as the deed of violence will cut short future opportunities to experience and embrace It, should it not yet be, besides possibly compromising the victim's immediate and final (and thus critical) perception of Its availability. Thus, fatal acts are often dominations of God's own mercy and the eternal soul of another. Appropriately, then, I take the act of killing intensely serious; the decision to kill, even for the most objectively merciful reasons, may seal a fellow human-being into misery for the rest of Eternity, besides setting oneself before the wrath of that human's Creator. In any situation where this is in any way avoidable, I cannot tolerate it.

Having established the seriousness with which I approach the act of killing, I can no longer participate in the military, or war, in any form, because they require killing on demand. This is problematic to the point of being irresolvable, because a military command, or a pressure of war, to kill is, by no means, necessarily possessing the extreme moral justification that I absolutely require. Thus, it is ethically irresponsible for me to further allow myself to stay under the command of any military, or within the participation of any war, in any form.

Yours,
Jake

An Attempt at Proverbial Lyrics

Sat, 02 May 2009 00:19:40 GMT

O the trial of setting aside pride!
What labor it is to shorten one's stride!
Humiliation is a mentor mentored
But for a risen student it is rendered

And a fool still has moments of splendor
When the honest cannot let his past hinder
Perhaps a moment shall lead into a streak
And a streak prove quite a systemic leak

What's more, might possibility be steady?
Should our pride's quick dispatch be ever ready?
Can we let the fool rise, this very moment
And pluck stranded truth from raging torrent?

A nasty monster, indeed, lies in waiting
Watching for one who knows no debating
One who discards a whole bunch of apple
Tasted all but the last, but won't be haggled

The one good apple will yet be sweetly boasted
"The truth of my eye!" sings lover devoted
And the old wise man now beholds a young fool
Possibility following all, in rule

Shall the enriched sage now turn into a drone
And let monstrous habit establish a throne?
Shall one prejudgement lead to another
So to decree, "to rule is to smother?"

But both foolish and wise are saved sure oppression
When rare foolish truth is accepted correction
For foolishness is not at all conceded
But rather the pursuit of wisdom seeded

s

Reading

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 22:54:02 GMT

Reading can develop into an odd habit. I set page-per-day/session goals and compile lists of books that I should read. And the temptation arises to read for the sake of simply being able to know and say that I read. But what does it matter how quickly I read if pages are remembered as a blur- as a passings-by of that which was only potentially inspiring and merely theoretically informing? I have been learning to take however much time it takes to truly read. If I zone out and find that I've scanned the last page, then it is back to the beginning of the page for me. I am not ashamed of reading slowly, or progressing steadily. Is there shame in education, in patience, in follow-through? Ha! how foolish it would be to exert a shallow mentality, to labor my time, for such a thin, useless study- empty credentials and a hollow sense of accomplishment!

And a shame it would be if I were content that this insight should remain only in the realm of reading. Life, in all of its aspects, is so easily trampled and overlooked. There are roses to be smelled.

Heaven?

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 13:05:10 GMT

Though they say they do, I don't think that most people really want Heaven. I think people generally want Heaven only in the sense that it is a physical oasis of comfort and pleasure. See, it seems most people think this paradise will be some kind of isolated retreat for themselves and the few people they care to get along with. And so, what they are actually longing for is not Heaven at all, but a materialistic and/or selfish mirage that they will never find. The very foundation of Heaven is peace with God and peace with all other people. If you move from the foundation, you move from Heaven. If you do not desire to dance with a redeemed Osama Bin Laden, or dine with a restored Adolph Hitler, or hold hands with a reborn George W. Bush, or share a joke with a forgiven Judas Iscariot (or whatever person with whom you suffer differences), then you don't actually want Heaven (and you can't finish the Lord's Prayer, either).

The funny thing is, many of us will say, "Well, I know that I am certainly willing to live with all other people, so long as God is there and everyone is acting in His character." But are we open to that now, here on the earth? Or do we use this bit about "everyone acting in His character" to justify rejecting people, not out of any real character difference but rather because of a mere personality or circumstantial difference? Do we freely let people into our lives? Do we freely share our wealth and other blessings with the rest of the world?

The glorious truth is that the real and coming Heaven is a place where everyone is loved by everyone. There won't be a lack of comfort, but if there were, everyone would give sacrificially to amend the situation. We ought to desire and seek such a place.

The Books I Read In 2008

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 00:49:31 GMT

In 2008 I managed to knock out 13 books. Random observations: I did not read any Magic: The Gathering novels (in 2007 I read 5); 3 of the books were Lewis; only 4 were novels; I only re-read 1 non-biblical book this year: Mythology by Edith Hamilton

* books I especially recommend

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Just As I Am - Billy Graham's autobiography ~ the longest non-novel, non-assigned book I think I've ever read.

*Simple Faith - Chuck Swindoll ~ the best book I had yet read on Christian discipleship (What's So Amazing About Grace?, which I'm reading now, seems to at least tie it)

A Grief Observed - C. S. Lewis ~ not what I expected, but good

*The Great Divorce - C. S. Lewis ~ among my favorite novels and my favorite Lewis

*Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold - C. S. Lewis ~ my favorite novel, so far (even better than The Chronicles of Narnia)

The Traveler's Gift: Seven Decisions that Determine Personal Success - Andy Andrews ~ a gift from my friend Leslie, the Elvenfair. Her gift was very thoughtful- I am a sort of nomad. But this is 1 of 2 books I read in 2008 which I don't recommend.

The Gospel According to the Simpsons - Mark I. Pinsky ~ excellent spiritual commentary of a once-glorious show

*The End of Oil: On The Edge of a Perilous New World - Paul Roberts ~ an important, alarming book, and the first book I've read on energy or the environment.

Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes - Edith Hamilton ~ it was less depressing when I read it as a child... the greeks sure were into suicide and everlasting torture...

*Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assayas ~ the best biographical book I've read, so far

The Wide Window (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 3) ~ finally, I've read all the books that were used to make the movie (which was an excellent reinvention of those first 3 volumes)

Mary Magdalene: Christianity's Hidden Goddess - Lynn Picknett ~ the only book I've written a review for on my facebook book list application thingy. Her leaps of logic are ridiculous, but to the point of entertainment. I found the vast amounts of information useful, just not the vast amounts of opinion... so it made a good reference book, at least. Obviously, this is the other book from 2008 I don't recommend.

Emergency Care and Transportation of the Sick and Injured, Ninth Edition - American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons ~ my only textbook from medic school (everything else came in packet form, typical of the army)

><><><><

Long Live the Written Word,
Jake

End-of-Year Survey I Ganked from lhynard

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 01:43:38 GMT

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

-Worked at a daycare

-Attended and graduated US Army Combat Medic School (complete with EMT-B national certification)

-Drank a beer and actually enjoyed the taste

-Drank a glass of wine and actually enjoyed the taste

-Spent a significant amount of money on Christmas presents

-Met a girl from eHarmony

-Afforded polyamory possible Biblical legitimacy

-Stopped going to church for months at a time

-Sang karaoke

-Bought a fairly new car (and with no co-signer)

-Bought a computer

-Drank alcohol with the primary purpose being increased caloric intake (I was REALLY poor earlier this year)

-Visited Houston, Texas

-Visited San Antonio, Texas

-Visited Gas City, Indiana

-Played Brisketball in the snow

-Drove a manual car for a significant period of time

-Thoroughly enjoyed country music

-Attended a high school classmate's wedding (at least the reception)

-Attended a rave

-Rented a car

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for the next year?

-No, or at least I didn't record resolutions for '08. My last entry was my resolutions for '09.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

-Jennie (my old youth minister) had a child, but we aren't really close anymore. I can't think of anyone else... although I can think of a few who at least became pregnant.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

-My Grandpa (on my mother's side)

5. What countries did you visit?

-Unfortunately, none

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

-enough skill on the guitar to make a living from it

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

-I just don't remember dates. But I will certainly remember the day (whatever day it was) when I rented a car and drove to West Virginia to meet Mary, from eHarmony. I was excited, but I think all of my roommates and one of their girlfriends were even more excited... they made that day memorable before I even left our apartment.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

-Graduating Medic School with roughly an 88% GPA, and a first-time pass on every test throughout the course.

9. What was your biggest failure of the year?

-I won't include my failed youth ministry at La Grange, because most of that concerned 2007. My biggest failure was probably the fact that 5.5 years earlier I had gone through Basic Combat Training with contagious cheer and a shining, affecting faith, but, after those 5.5 years of theoretical "Christian growth", I found myself miserably trudging through Medic school, showing very little spiritual inspiration. I was actually surprised, late in the school, when fellow students brought up my faith... I wouldn't have thought I gave them an opportunity to observe it.

10. DId you suffer illness or injury?

-Just a freak vein infiltration that incapacitated my arm for two weeks.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

-2004 Honda Civic LX

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

-Randolph Scott... he quickly and vigorously adapted to our apartment when he joined us out of nowhere.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or depressed?

-one of my roommates who turned out much different of a person than I thought he was...

14. Where did most of your money go?

-organic groceries and restaurant meals with irresponsibly large tips

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

-phone conversations with Keilah

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?

-"I Shaved a Cat," Private Whaley's parody of I Kissed a Girl by Kate Perry

-"My President," by Young Jeezy & Nas

-"Medication," by Derek Webb (my personally appointed theme song for medic school)

-"Don't Be Afraid," from Final Fantasy VIII (my wake-up song)

-"Calling Out Your Name," by Rich Mullins (it was my first-most comfort song in training, as well as the song that reminded me of Native Americans the most, who I learned as much about in my spare time in Medic Training as anything else.)

17. Compared to this time last year, you are:

-much further from my comfort zone

-just about as heavy-hearted

18. What do you wish you'd done more?

-pursue God, enjoy the Church, play guitar, research current events, perform my Chrysalis duties

19. What do you wish you'd done less?

-pay attention to seductive women, withdraw from anyone who's not a roommate/ immediate family member, give in to laziness

20. Did you fall in love in 2008?

-I think I love Keilah at least as much as I loved Courtney, my first love from high school...

21. How many one-night stands?

-For the first time in my Christian life I wanted to have one even after carefully reviewing all it would entail. I didn't even have someone in mind. This lasted for like 6 hours. It really scared me.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

-Southpark

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

-I don't hate anyone. I want to be forgiven too.

24. What was the best book you read?

-My favorite book, outside of the Holy Scriptures- 'Till We Have Faces by C. S. Lewis

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

-Iona's album Journey Into the Morn (listen to Irish Day!)

26. What did you want and get?

-Seemingly, the majority of Randy's time, while he was here in Louisville

27. What were your favorite films of this year?

-The Dark Knight

-Quantum of Solace

-Iron Man

-Prince Caspian

-Mongol

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

-I turned 23, and I went to work

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

-a job I utterly love

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2008

-anti-social

31. What kept you sane?

-Jesus, Scripture, D-Rock, Eric, my sister & mother, Keilah, Barack Obama, and the music of Rich Mullins & Derek Webb

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

-Chuck Swindoll

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

-The Presidential election, the wars in the Middle East, Global Warming, abortion

34. Whom did you miss?

-Dru, James Murphy, my brother, Marco & Jesse, Cole, Pastor Kelly, Grant, Elaine, the Obradovich family, Lindsey & Greg, the Snows

35. Who was the best new person you met?

-Keilah

36. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2008:

-RESEARCH CURRENT EVENTS BEFORE YOU COMMIT A NEAR DECADE OF YOUR LIFE TO THE ARMY

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Tomorrow is a brand new day, tonight" -Sixpence None the Richer from a good theme album for the year- Divine Discontent

New Year's Resolutions!

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 03:05:55 GMT

Okay, so I've reflected on the past year at length... now it's time to come up with some resolutions for the new'n.

1. Spend 1-on-1 prayer time with God more often
2. Read the Scriptures more often, with occasional long reads, like I used to have
3. Love the people in my day-in, day-out life with more expression, gratitude, warmth, selflessness, and listening
4. Continue to wait for love, but more sincerely, with more celebration, productivity, and self-control
5. Pay more attention to the old, the poor, and the afflicted
6. Research current military/ political events, discern if I should really be in the US military or not, and act accordingly
7. Pick the guitar up again and get back to playing in church, and on to playing in night life establishments and care-taking facilities
8. ...Likewise with the piano
9. Get involved in the local church again
10. Learn from the calligraphy set my parents bought me several years ago
11. At least double all of the groundwork I've achieved on my video game
12. Read more, or at least more carefully
13. Get in the best physical shape of my life- cardiovascular endurance, muscular strength, flexibility, nutritious diet
14. Get an article published somewhere- in a newspaper, in a magazine... somewhere
15. Worry less, but trust God more achingly

His Peace,
Jake

2008: A Summary

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 04:45:25 GMT

Well friends, 2008 has drawn to a close. I recall the year... In January I finally gave up my 2nd, weak attempt at La Grange Presbyterian Church staff youth ministry (the first attempt, at Covenant Church, was actually quite successful), which had started back in the Fall of '06. I pretty much stopped playing guitar in 2008. As soon as I quit the church gig I took a break from it just because I could; I had kept myself in an exhausting performance schedule at church. That month turned into two, I think, and I didn't really get back into it as consistently as I had been. When I left for Medic training, in August, I left the guitar in Louisville, with Randalf, since I knew I wouldn't have anywhere to keep it at Ft. Sam Houston. Randalf left for France shortly after I left, and he left the guitar in the care of Zay, who I never did go see on my two-week Christmas vacation. And so, the guitar is still in Louisville, and I'll have to pick it up at a later date (I do, however, have my classical guitar with me, but I won't be able to play it until it's restrung).

As 2008 started, I had just moved into Apt 5 at Westbury Harbor, with D-Rock and J-Town. Zay would arrive later in the month. Continuing to live with D-Rock was a huge blessing. We continued to periodically stay up all night talking. We continued having an easy time approaching each other about all of our spiritual issues (at last, as far I am concerned I spoke everything that concerned me... I guess I can't speak for another). Ha! D-Rock, J-Town, and I continued to try to make apartment devotionals happen, but we never had one Bible study (although I remember at least one considerable counseling/prayer session)! Justin continued to demonstrate himself as a superb source of humor. J-Town, Zay, and I played quite a bit of Super Smash Brothers Melee, and we tried that blessed, old game, Magic: The Gathering... but, as great as our intentions were, it just didn't work out. I saw Zay more than anyone else (he had such a stable schedule...) and we watched a lot of stupid TV shows together. The shows were often regrettable, the time with Zay not so much.

For about the last month, Randalf, my brother's old buddy from college and France, lived with us. Randalf was screwed out of his original housing plan, and we were more than happy to take him (we didn't know him, but whatever, right?) J-Town had gone home for the summer, but Zay, D-Rock, and I immediately became comfortable with Randalf. He had concerns coming in, because he knew from my brother that D-Rock and myself are Jesus people, and Randalf is a staunch atheist. However, throughout the course of his short stay, he noted how agreeable and pleasant of a group we are, especially for being Christians. Like many, Randalf had had an overwhelming poor experience with Christians, and he was refreshed to be with some guys who intellectually wrestled with their faith, didn't seek the easy route in the junction of religion and actual living, and derived from their faith a personality of love much more than one of judgement. He said he was astonished to find himself happily living with passionate Christians. And we loved being with him too- he challenged our faith in helpful ways, loved us like brothers, and simply shared his generally uplifting views on life.

The Hollands came over with some regularity, and I found myself happy for it. I'm glad I got a good half year of peace with them, after the drama we experienced in 2007. D-Boy was over often, and I continued to refer to her as "the 5th roommate." But I love it and wished she was over more. D-Rock, D-Boy and I continued to express to each other our joy at the thought of us all continuing to live together once they are married. She got through a lot of good, difficult nursing classes in 2008.

I worked at the daycare, Kid's Haven By Sandy, just a little bit into the year before I quit (that was such a depressing job... I mean, I loved the kids, and they had a terrific capacity to learn, but they deserved so much more than what one daycare worker could divide amongst them). I was back to part-time work there, and I no longer worked at the church, so there was no longer a benefit to driving all the way out to Oldham County for work. I next worked my 2nd job as a waiter at Fox & Hound Grille & Pub. It was fun and I was paid well. I got a decent leg work-out most shifts, and none of the stress came home (unlike at church and the daycare). I eventually quit, however, in protest of the way big business restaurants work. I left Fox & Hound for local-to-Louisville Mediterranean Grill, Shiraz. I didn't always get full-time hours every week, and the pay was only $7/hour, but I got free food every shift, and it was good food that I actually wanted to promote. At some point, I left for Fort Knox, for two weeks, for my annual training. Patterson was also on duty for those two weeks, and we had good times together.

It was there at Fort Knox that my eHarmony account first came to fruition. Mary and I burned through messages as soon as we were matched. By the time I got home we were talking on the phone... one conversation was over 5 hours. She definately intrigued me, and it was intoxicating to actually have some one as interested in me as I was in her. Because I had decided to re-enlist, and would be leaving for long-term training very soon, we decided I should rent a car and get out to West Virginia to meet her. It was an awesome weekend... it turned out we don't really have romantic chemistry, but she is nonetheless a fascinating person and a good friend... and the trip was adventurous and a good step for me, romantically. We haven't talked much since then... some but not much... I hope to better that this year.

And then all too soon I was off to Fort Sam Houston, in San Antonio, Texas, for the United States Army Combat Medic School. That experience deserves its own entry, which I need to pen soon...

One thing from medic school I will note is being matched with Keilah, from Houston. Our online correspondence was slow, and I was really impressed with her. When I had been trying it out with Mary I had been out of romance for so long that I was hardly perceptive of any shortcomings. Now I had been freshly wizened, and, even so, Keilah blew me away immediately and increasingly. When we started talking on the phone I really fell for her. I've written about her in previous entries, and I could write about her forever here, so I'll just move along now...

After glorious graduation, Clint and I drove his car home (1,000 miles in one day, suckahs), and I reveled in the comforts for two weeks. With some down payment help from the fam, I was able to buy a 2004 Honda Civic LX with only 78k miles! After a few days I was feeling the name, "Eustice" for him. For about 4 of those vacation days, I visited Dru at his grandmother's house in Gas City, IN (practically Canada), along with Kippo & D-Rock. Christmas Eve was wonderful... I went to a Saint John United Methodist service for the first time in two years (?!), and got to play party games with the fam and the Hays. Late Christmas night I packed and left the next day before noon.

Since then I've been hanging around at the reception company, here at the 3rd Infantry Division, at Fort Stewart, Georgia. I should be here for about another week before I get to my actual unit. I'm getting a lot of good reading, gaming, and film viewing done.

It's been a good year, full of change. And everyone who knows me knows that I live off of change...

His Peace,

Jake

This Recent E-mail To A Friend Shall Make A Fine Entry

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 04:44:03 GMT

I've arrived at Fort Stewart, Georgia, but I have not yet gotten my duty station or permanent housing. I got in late Friday night, so, after being put in the Reception Company (orientation) barracks, I was released until Monday morning. The base seems fairly nice, and the weather is certainly appealing. The barracks itself is an unfinished open-bay, which is aggravating, but at least I'll only be here for a short time. I think I'm the only medic here. The guys here are astoundingly preoccupied with getting drunk, listening to horrid ringtones over and over again, talking about cars of entirely unnecessary proportion, blasting some of the most asinine music I've ever heard (through the hours AM), and incorporating "fuck" and aggression into the most casual of statements. They say it takes about 8 business days to get us through orientation, after which we'll move into permanent barracks (which are like apartments, praise the Lord!)

Since I got here I've been listening to Bill Clinton's autobiography audio book, finished my 500 Nations documentary on Native America (very good), and reading What's So Amazing About Grace?, by Philip Yancey, which may become my favorite book. I recommend it to the utmost. Besides all that, I've been playing old school RPG's for old Nintendo systems, on my laptop, and sending out a storm of messages to old friends. It's been a pretty dislocating time...

After I got home from my blissful time in Indiana with the old roommates, I got to spend an evening with, perhaps my closest friend, Eric. We talked for at least three hours straight about various things over a large bottle of some kind of Spanish red wine. After that we watched a CG movie with perhaps the best computer graphics display I've ever seen. I brought up how the desire to create a quality, imaginative, revolutionary, story-driven video game, had really resurged in me lately, and we discussed possibilities. A couple days later I found myself in a similar conversation with my brother. It's such an exciting prospect...

Christmas at the house was awesome... so far I've never missed it. Although, I was disappointed that my brother didn't find the money to come home from California. I have missed him a lot over the last few years... it would be wonderful to live in the same city again, one day... Everyone liked the presents I got them. I concede that it is quite enjoyable actually participating in the giving side of the exchange! It's nice to have the money to do so with ease. It's a wonderful anxiety waiting to see just how much surprise the gift will bring.

I spent Christmas Eve enjoying our tradition of the last few years: playing party games with the Hays (a family that has been our friends almost as long as I've been alive), while eating finger foods and drinking throughout the day and night. We played Cranium, some kind of Cranium-brand debate game, and Scattergories. I couldn't drink until after midnight, however, since I drove to church. It turned out it had been 2 years since I had visited my home church... unbelievable. I hadn't been there in so long because I had become so involved working at two additional churches. When I came home the Hays had left and my parents were just getting ready to go to sleep for the night. My sister and I laid down on either side of our L-shaped couch, falling asleep to A Christmas Story. As I did so I marveled at how close my sister, Stasia, and I have become recently, despite all the many counter-factors in our relational history, and our current differences. I can only worship God in light of that.

I put packing and loading for the move off to the absolute last minute, in typical style. I did it during the latter half of Christmas Day, while dad put in Braveheart, which he has humorously done every Christmas Day for the last few years, much to the confusion of my mother.

Ha! It turns out I've written quite a bit. I suppose I'll stop there. I hope you're well, and that you are ever experiencing God with resonance. His love for us is to be found everywhere.

His Peace,
Jake

Quotes from Abraham Joshua Heschel

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:12:19 GMT

"Wonder, rather than doubt, is the root of all knowledge."

"Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself."

"The road to the sacred leads through the secular."

"Man is a messenger who forgot the message."

"A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair."

"When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people."

"Man's sin is his failure to live what he is. Being the master of the earth, man forgets that he is the servant of God."

"A test of a people is how it behaves toward the old. It is easy to love children. Even tyrants and dictators make a point of being fond of children. But the affection and care for the old, the incurable, the helpless are the true gold mines of a culture."

"He who is satisfied has never truly craved, and he who craves for the light of God neglects his ease for ardor."

"God is not a hypothesis derived from logical assumptions, but an immediate insight, self-evident as light. He is not something to be sought in the darkness with the the light of reason. He is the light."

"I never asked God for riches or fame. I asked for wonder, and he gave it to me."